Happily Never After

On August 12th 2013 my husband died. I was out all day with baby Scarlett and found him on the floor, he was gone. He was cooking in the kitchen. We do not know the cause of death yet but we believe heart attack. Joe had high blood pressure and heart issues in his family. I can not explain the pain i'm in and how my heart is aching. We were so happy! Finally had our daughter and the life we wanted and it was taken away like that. My happily ever after has been torn apart... I don't know if I will ever be fully happy again...

I hope my blog helped people going through infertility, now I need a blog to help me during this sad time...

But listen to me, if your infertility struggles never get resolved, love your spouse, enjoy your time, not all is lost for you have a soul mate with you... I wish I still had mine..

Post Pardum Cardiomypathy

Hello All,
I am so sorry I have not updated you all on everything but life has thrown us a curve ball. I ended up with post partum cardiomyopathy.... let me explain...

On May 11th I went into labor, I was getting contractions life I was suppose to, I got the epidural and was stuck at 6cm. They decided to give me Pitocin to speed things along. Well, my epidural wore off as the Pitocin kicked in. It was awful, I was convulsing in so much pain...finally the decided to do an emergency c section. As they started prepping me for surgery they proceeded to give me another epidural, that didn't work either! They ended putting me completely under anesthia.. My daughter Scarlett Taylor was born on Mother Day.

They released me from the hospital and within a day I stared getting more swollen and feeling shortness of breath so I called the doctor they said that could be normal with a C-section so I tried to go to bed. I could not lie flat. I could not sleep all night. I called my doctor back he said to go to the ER. When I got there my heart was only pumping at 20%, I was having congestive heart failure, my heart and lungs were filled with fluid. If I did not go to the hospital I would have died! Please don't ever ignore these symptoms, it was scary. I was in ICU for a week and away from my newborn, I even had to stop breast feeding:( But I am alive. I am on a ton of heart meds and have to wear a life vest but I am here. My daughter Scarlett is beautiful and happy and we made it. It just was a crazy ride getting here.. I don't regret anything. I have everything I wanted.. I just need my health to get back to wear it was and then I will be living happily ever after:):)

 

Showerd with Love... and Sparkles...:)

What a beautiful shower I had. It was one of the prettiest Baby Showers I have ever been too! My little one is so blessed to be loved by so many. My sister Krissy and Best Friend Amanda were such big helps. My mother was amazing as always. My mother in law even made these really pretty floral centrerpieces. It was a great day. Here are some of the details...

35 Weeks-Baby Shower this Weekend!

I actually took time to read my entire blog from the beginning and I can't help but feel so blessed to be where I am today. Yes I am still very swollen, I am peeing like crazy, and I get barely any sleep but I know it will all be worth it in the end. She is moving like crazy in my belly. She is so strong. I cant believe how strong she is. I love her so much already. We are starting to accumulate lots of baby stuff and its getting me more and more excited for what’s coming.

This Sunday is my Baby Shower. It is at LaLuna in Branford. It is a brunch. For favors we are having a candy buffet. The theme/ style of the shower is pink and white with a candy and sweets:) Krissy is getting some pretty white and pink cupcakes, we are having the candy, Joe and I are making pink chocolate covered strawberries. Amanda is in charge of the games and pictures. I am looking forward to it. I am just worried about shoes because right now I can fit anything cute on these tootsies:)

I will post some pictures of the shower as soon as I can.

I have a doctor’s appointment today. Hopefully they can help me with this swelling problem so I can wear something cute Sunday:)

This is not the best pic but here is my most recent picture on Easter. Hope you all had a good one. Here is me at 35 weeks...

32 Weeks and Swollen!!!!

Ok so I hit 32 weeks and so far everything is going good except for two (2) things. The first thing is my back, I pulled it out a couple weeks ago and it has never been the same. The second thing is very bad swelling in my feet. By the end of the work day it feels as though my feet are just going to burst. My blood pressure is fine so my doctor is not concerned. Besides from being uncomfortable and an inconvenience i guess it’s not that bad and very normal for some people.

I can’t sleep at all. All she does is kick, kick, kick! I just want a good night sleep but between the peeing every 20 minutes, the kicking, my back hurting, it’s just not going to happen but I am so sure she is going to be worth all of it.

Here is a pic of my poor feet!

My husband calls me Proffesor Klump! So funny... I know

29 Weeks

I apologize for not updating more often. I have been so busy with work and getting my house in order by the time I sit down at night I am so exhausted that I cant even type. Everything is going pretty good. My feet swell everyday by 5pm but my blood pressure is fine so the doctors are not worried. I passed my Glucose test but unfortunately I have gained ten pounds in one month! So they basically put me on a Paleo/Mediteranian diet and I am so upset about it. I don't even eat that much! I love carbs! I hate depriving myself of things I love but I do not want to gain another ten pounds next month so we will see.I am going to try this diet for two weeks and see how it goes. I have suffered a little RLS ( Restless Leg Syndrome) but it has been not terrible. I still go to Prenatal Yoga once a week. I have a little acid re flux nothing major. For the most part everything looks great.

Joe and I took Maternity Pictures last week. It was freezing. I think it was like 20 degrees. I had my make up done it was the first time I felt pretty in months. They put these individual fake lashes on me, I loved them!
I did not do any naked or bare stomach ones ( it isnt my cup of tea), I think these show our happiness and the beauty of pregnancy just fine.

So this week, I will try as hard as I could to lay off all the carbs, and snacks I love ( ice cream, candy, milkshakes, ice tea, cookies, bagels, pasta, etc.) and concentrate on eating healthy.

Level 2 Ultra Sound looked Great!

Ok so Friday we had our Level 2 Ultra Sound done at Yale New Haven Hospital. It was such a cool experience. We were able to see such cool images of our baby girl. We were able to see the valves in heart and all her organs and confirmed everything looks perfect:):) Joe and I were beyond relieved and so happy. We are just so happy are baby Girl is doing well. Its been a long road and tomorrow I am 23 weeks and I am just so grateful everything is going the way it is.

Now the fun begins, my mother is planning a shower for first week in April. I am starting to look on pintrest for cool ideas and its getting so exciting! Joe and I started registering last weekend and we are having so much preparing for our little girl.

One thing we are having problems with is her name! I love Scarlett my husband calls her Bella everyday already, we both like Annabelle but I am not crazy about the name Ana. So we are still open to new names, his newest suggestion is Brielle. So who knows? But naming a little girl is hard lol

 

20 Weeks - And Team Glitter!:):)

20 weeks today! Hello Everyone I am so sorry I have been MIA between the Christmas Rush and work I have been so so busy. Well I had my 20 week ultrasound on Monday and yes its a little GIRL! I am beyond thrilled. I felt the same way I did on my wedding day. I am on cloud 9. Everything looks perfect except for a little shadow on the left chamber of her heart. The doctor say its most likley nothing but want to take a second look which is fine with me. All my other test came back perfect. Joe and I are thrilled! Let the shopping begin!

Introuducing my " Bambina"

Happy Thanksgiving!

I just want to wish all my bloggies out there a happy Thanksgiving. Thank you for being there every step of the way on my journey and I hope that my story helps many girls like me:):)

I am now 16 weeks pregnant. I still do not feel great but I def feel better than I have been feeling. I find out the sex of the baby on December 17th and Joe and I are so excited. I cant wait to start shopping. So far the only thing I have to take is an iron supplement. All my test and blood work have been normal. I am gaining weight pretty fast it makes me a little nervous but the doctor hasnt said anything so I am not worried.

This Thanksgiving I am thankful for this little Bambino inside of me... all the hard work is def worth it.. hang in there bloggies.. its a long ride but you can do it:)

Happy Thanksgiving!

14 Weeks

Well yesterday was my 14 week mark. I had an NT scan done last week and everything looked good so far  still waiting on the blood work but all the measurements looked fine. I feel ok. I am still dealing with my gagging all the time but it is getting better. I don't feel green all the time, just once in a while. So right now so far so good. I am of course still nervous and always will be, prolly until I deliver. I just wanted to keep you bloggies posted. Here is a pic from Halloween. It is of me and my nephew Max. He is dressed as Buzz Light  year ( we are huge Disney freaks) we call this shot.. waiting for Woody or Jessie:):)

12 weeks :):)

Bambino is now the size of a plum can you believe it! Joey and I are getting more and more excited each day that passes.  My friend, Amanda, let us borrow one of those at home dopplers... we sit in bed at night listening to the baby move around, we found his/or her heart beat a few times.. its hard at this stage but gets easier as the baby gets bigger. I have my First Trimester Scan next week on the 29th. I am also on vacation from work so that will be so nice. A whole week off. I love it!. I have still been suffering from nausea. It comes in waives. One minute your fine and the next you are running to the nearest  bathroom. The other day someone was smoking near me and I puked. It was awful. But I have to say I only got sick 3 or 4 times out of 12 weeks so thats not to bad. Everyday I feel like I am getting better but I guess ya never know when your pregnant. No other symptoms. My boobs are hugs. My stomach is def starting to show. I bought my first pair of maternity pants on Saturday. They arnt all that bad. i will post a few belly shots soon. I hope everyone is doing and well with their Infertility meds.. and staying strong.. it will happen...

10 Weeks

Today I am ten (10) weeks and I am getting so excited! I cried at the ultrasound like a big baby because I saw my baby moving and waiving and kicking. It was amazing. I graduated from my RE and now I am off to my real OB. I am so thankful and happy. I cant belive I am here. I never thought i would be this far, I never thought I would be carrying a baby.. Joey and I couldnt be happier:)

8 weeks

Well today was our 8 week ultrasound and we saw our little Bambino. I love him/her already. I cant stop smiling. To see the little heart beat was so awesome. 158 beats per minute. The doctor says everything looks perfect! I am so excited!!!

The Great Bambino:)

That's what we have been calling my little one already. I know its still early but I cant help but give my little one a nick name. Joe and I call him or her our little Bambino. Being that we are Red Sox fans ( well not really at the moment they stink) its ironic we would pick a Yankee Player. Although I am pretty sure he played for the Sox at one point.Anyway, we are in love with our little Bambino. I just need time to fly. I feel like it is going by so slow! Tick.. Tock.. Tick.. Tock... I want to be out of my first trimester already. I will feel a lot more comfortable. I have some pretty serious morning sickness going on, some dizziness, my boobs hurt, all the normal first trimester symptoms.But I'm not complaining...

I saw the Heartbeat!

Wow, at 6 weeks I saw about as much as you could possibly see. I loved seeing the little flicker of a heartbeat. Reminded me of a little fairy! My husband and I are so excited but it is still so early so we are praying every night for the next couple weeks. We have another ultrasound scheduled for September 26th so until then.....

My Re took me off Estrace but he wants me to continue the Crinone and baby aspirin. He also found some  cyst on my ovaries but said they will go away on their own.

It is starting to really sink in now:)......getting Excited:):):)

So far So Good:):)

Ok, so today I am six (6) weeks and 4 days. My little sweat pea is doing good in there. I have had no spotting. I am experiencing some nausea but it comes and goes. I have not actually gotten physically sick yet. My breast are extremely soar and itchy. I wake up out of a sound sleep to pee and they kill. Besides that I feel great. Oh and I'm evil:) My hormones are so bad. My poor husband. I jump down his throat for every little thing its awful I hear myself and cant not believe its me! It is like Clomid Rage x 10000! But I am so happy every day is going by and tomorrow is my very 1st Ultrasound. I am hoping to see and maybe even hear if its not to early a little heart beat. I am so exciting. I will check in with you guys sometime tomorrow. Say a prayer or send some good heart beat vibes this way bloggies:)

Beta #3

2,661! I am so excited. My first Ultrasound is Wednesday at 7:30am. I am so excited. I am to continue the Crinone and Estrace until then. I am finally starting to allow myself to get a little excited. Thank you for all my doubling vibes bloggies:):)

Beta #2

I am so sorry bloggies! I am such a bad blogger lately. I received my beta on Friday evening and it was 461! So I am defenitly pregnant. It is so hard for me to even say those words, " I'm pregnant" and I have to tell you I am not as excited as I thought. I think I am more scared. I just want everything to go smoothly from now on. It took me over two years to get here and I am finally where I want to be.

This morning I had another blood test. If today's blood work comes out good we will schedule out first ultrasound I believe for next week. The time is going by so slow but I am trying to be as patient as possible.

I feel good for the most part, my boobs are incredibly sore. I feel a little dizzy and lightheaded when I stand up quickly. I feel nausea in the morning but not enough to be sick. I am trying to eat healthy but I am craving things like ginger ale and Ramen noodles. I try to eat a salad a day and a piece of fruit a day. I am a carb freak so  this is new to me.

I will update you guys on todays beta #3.

Beta #1

Beta #1 came in Wednesday night at 236! and my progesterone level is 130! When the RE called he said. I got your results and you are very pregnant! He has no concerns as of right now. I went for Beta #2 this morning. I am so excited but still very nervous at the same time.I have such mixed emotions right now. I am so happy right now that I am terrified. Please send doubling beta vibes my way. Hoping for good news this afternoon.

My RE wants me to continue my progesterone gel, estrace pills and baby aspirin. Cross your fingers bloggies!! I cant believe it! Still in shock.

So this is what it feels like....

To get a Positive Pregnancy Test! OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So last night, my husband was so upset from me basically telling him IVF #! failed. As you know I had horrible cramps the last two days. I felt like any minute Aunt Flo was going to come but she never showed.  So as we were cooking dinner my husband leaves. Yes, just leaves the house. He was running to the closest Walmart to get a Pregnancy Test. He came home after his home made stew was now cold and was like "Pee on this." I replied, "Honey, you have to wait till morning." He didn't care, he kept on hounding me and hounding me until finally i caved and tested. I peed in a cup and he took it in the other room. I knew it was going to be negative but I heard this weird sound come from the bedroom. It was the mixture of a sigh, laugh and cry all at once. I asked him, "What... What does it say?" and he started crying and said it worked. You are pregnant. I was in shock that a pee stick with my pee on it could be positive. I have prolly seen a million pee sticks with negative results this was new to me. I didn't really know how to take it. Plus its early. But I did another one this morning and it still reads the word... "Pregnant"..Wow so this is what it feels like........ I will confirm my positive test with my beta results tomorrow. Trying not to get to excited........but I am a little:)